Switched: Part 2
by alpha aquarii
Summary: The sequel to Switched. Artemis and Holly have gotten their revenge on Foaly, now watch as it's his and Root's turn to suffer! COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not owning. Joy.

La. Here's the sequel bout Foaly and Root. I hope you people find it as funny or more as the first one.

Switched: Part 2

Chapter 1

Root:

Root promptly raised a hairy palm to slap the offending mirror…

…and fell over backwards. "Stupid four legs…" he muttered to himself.

Unfortunately the cursing and banging in the bathroom didn't go unnoticed. Within moments what looked like a whole Retrieval team crowded through the doorway, all pushing to get a better view.

"Foaly?" Trouble Kelp said, peering embarrassedly at the figure sprawled before him on the floor. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Kelp," Root grunted. He was still for a second, then barked, "Well? Why aren't any of you offering to help me up?"

Trouble blushed a little and stuck out his hand. Accepting it, Root pulled himself up to his new four legs. He swayed a bit and grabbed onto the edge of the sink to prevent himself from tipping over.

"There's one thing I want to ask you, Captain…"

"Yes?"

"Why do you call me Foaly?"

Trouble stared at the centaur before him, thinking he had gone mad. _What is happening these days? First Holly punches me, then Foaly's asking why I call him by name… _"Well, I was assuming you were Foaly. What should I call you then? Cindy?"

Root raised an eyebrow. "That was really bad, Kelp."

"Sorry." But this had confirmed what Root thought.

_Somehow, I'm in Foaly's body… so who's in my body? _As realization struck him, he made to move.

"Before you go, Foaly, I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"What 'blasted centaur' were you, er- screaming about?"

"Oh." said Root. "Oh. I…was just talking about my friend Bob. He, uh…hurt my pet bunny." Root felt a rush of anger fill him, thinking of his own bunny. _Anyone who hurts my Sugarpuff…_

Trouble nodded slowly as murmurs escalated around him from the Retrieval squad. "Uh-huh."

"Well, I have to go now." Root took a step forward only to realize yet again that he didn't know how to walk with four legs. _Shoot, _he thought as he toppled over right into Trouble, effectively knocking over everyone else as well.

Foaly:

"Woah," was Foaly's first reaction. He had landed smack dab in a comfortable spinny chair with his feet prepped up on a table. Clutched in his hand was an icy Diet Coke. "Did I just fall into heaven or is this Beetroot's office?"

It certainly appeared to be. Setting down his Coke, he looked around him. He was in a lounge, complete with vending machines and plasma TV. Well, really it was Root's meeting room. But to Foaly's 'overworked and underpaid' mind, it was a lounge.

Foaly noticed a mess of stuff on the table. "Bah, paperwork. Who needs it?" He brushed the papers and pens off the table. It was then he observed the skin tone of his fingers, hand, and arm. And it was then he saw the number of feet propped on the table.

Eyes bulging, Foaly noticed an acrid taste in his mouth. Pulling it out with two fingers, he discovered none other than a fungus cigar.

"Wh-What the…?" Foaly got up and out of the chair and promptly fell on his face.

"Owww…" Foaly got up and held to the edge of the table for support. He had two legs, no tail, and a badge on his LEP uniform that said 'Commander Root'.

For a technical genius, Foaly was rather slow to realize what had happened. But then again, he didn't have a mirror in front of him when he first arrived in this dilemma. However, he was better with the foot situation than Root. He stomped over to the door and slammed it shut. Then he marched over to the very center of the room and screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeecoughacoughacoughhack-hack-hack!" Foaly broke out in a coughing fit, having accidentally swallowed some of the residue smoke from the fungus cigar.

Drama over, it was time for a new approach. Clearing his throat, Foaly decided to 'explore', that is, attempt to find Root's main office. But when he did, he discovered he had a visitor. One who just happened to have four legs, a tail, and a bottle of hoof moisturizer in one hairy hand.

Root:

"M-May I help you?" The person who appeared to be his mirror image (of course, meaning back when he was known as the grumpiest commander of all) fidgeted.

"Hello, _Commander._" Root stepped forward and caught his balance before he could fall sideways again. _Still not stable with the legs…_

"Hello, _Foaly._" _Two can play at this game, _Foaly thought.

Root felt a rush of adrenaline, though for once he did not feel his cheeks coloring. "There's no point beating around the bush, you know…"

"I was about to say the same to you, actually."

"Sooo….." Root maneuvered his hooved feet to get closer to Foaly in order to, well, yell in his face. "WHY DID YOU POISON ME WITH YOUR STUPID CONCOCTION?"

Foaly gasped like a girl as his face turned red. "How DARE _you _ask _me_!"

"And what do you mean by that, Foaly?" Suddenly Root felt a little embarrassed. What if the person he was talking to _wasn't _Foaly? Then he would be in a hole…

But it was proved to be Foaly in his next two sentences. "I mean exactly what I said, Julius! And what did you do with my tinfoil hat?"

"I left the bloody thing right where it belongs! In the trash!" Well, actually it had slipped off when he had fallen. But who care? Not him. "AND DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!"

"Why-you-" Foaly struggled to catch his breath. "First you somehow switch our bodies, then you throw away my tinfoil hat, and now you're pretending you don't know anything about it?"

"Funny there, Foaly. You stole the words from my mouth. Without the hat part, though." Root said. "Anyway, I thought you had tons of them."

"I do. But that's not the point."

"For the first time in your life, you're right. The _point _is that you have trapped me in your body and you are going to get us back in our respective places so I can fire you!"

"You can't do that, Julius."

"And why the hell not, pony?" Root was so mad at this point he didn't notice the use of his first name.

"One, I'm irreplaceable." There was a signature smirk on Foaly's mouth. "Two, _I'm _in charge now." He pointed to the badge on his chest. "So don't you talk to your commander like that or he might give you a spanking."

"Is that so?" Root's face had a dangerous look. The one all fairies get when they have been pushed _too far. _"Now tell me this, centaur. What do you think would happen if I just handed in a resignation letter to the Council?'

For the first time, Foaly looked nervous. "You can't do that. You need me too much."

"I need you like I need more inexperienced interns under my belt!"

"Hey wise guy, did the possibility that neither of us did anything to get this way ever occur to you?"

"Don't speak to me like that."

"Why? You're just a lowly centaur, right?" Foaly crossed his arms and pouted. It was an odd look for the commander.

"No, I'm your commander. And how likely is your little theory anyway?"

"All I'm saying is that I didn't do anything to make us get this way, and you have no proof that I did this anyway."

"So say the guilty…" Root muttered under his breath.

"If you did this, it's your job to get us out of it. I'm not doing it."

"Fine! But remember, if you did Foaly, you are going to wish you were never born!" With that, Julius Root stomped out of his own office.

He didn't notice a certain female Recon officer hiding behind the doors with a huge grin on her face who had just taped the entire fight and was now heading towards her cubicle to share it with a certain Irish Mud Boy.

End chapter

A bit shorter than usual, but my first chapters usually are. Tell me if you like it so far. It's a bit fast paced, unfortunately. But here it is.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own Artemis Fowl or any related concepts. Whoopee.

Sorry I took so long to update! Though I suspect no one cares since only ONE person reviewed the first chapter as of right now! Sob, sob! Thank you Dark Shur'tugal! By the way (here's your reply if you're bothering to look at this), the story takes place after TOD but Root is still alive and Holly didn't quit. I just used the phrase 'certain female Recon officer' for effect. Sorry as I forgot to put that in the first chappie.

Anyhoo, I'm hoping for more reviews this chapter! but here's your story. Oh yeah and it gets better as you read on so don't quit if it seems boring in the first part.

Chapter 2

Foaly:

After Root left, Foaly found his calendar in a desk drawer. For today, the commander had written on his personal agenda, '11:30 meeting with Council to discuss Howler Peak renovations'. After that was lunch, then the rest was blank. _I wonder what Beetroot does with his free time? _Foaly speculated. He would probably find out later though.

Right now it was 10:09. Guess there was nothing to do except wait until the meeting.

Root:

Root was not as luxuriously bored as Foaly was. He stomped over to Foaly's office, growling"Outta my way," to anyone who attempted to get within ten feet of him.

Once he was in the office, Root immediately felt like throwing something, and that vase on Foaly's desk looked pretty appealing... _What do I do now? _He tried to control his temper and lead his thoughts away from smashing Foaly's stuff. It wasn't easy, needless to say for someone who has used that technique for a couple of centuries so far.

Suddenly one of Foaly's many screens lit up. On the other end was one of the Council members. Chairman Whatshisname. "Foaly," he barked rather loudly. "You were due for a meeting five minutes ago here. What's taking so long?"

"What meeting?"

"Your presentation of the new Neutrino."

"Oh, of course." _What Neutrino?_

"Yeah. Now hurry it up centaur!"

Not used to being spoken to so rudely, Root opened his mouth for a snappy retort just as the connection was cut off from the other end. "D'arvitting chairman," he muttered under his breath. So he had to present one of Foaly's new gizmos, huh? Well, this was going to be interesting…

-

"I'm here!" 'Foaly' burst into the Council's meeting room out of breath. _Darn pony doesn't get enough exercise…_All the members of the council were seated around a polished oak table, giving them the look of bored royalty.

"We see that, Foaly." The same chairman that had talked _so_ rudely to Root moments ago crossed his arms. "We've set up your diagram already. Now tell us all about this new model of yours."

"Ahem. Right." Though Root refused to admit it, he still bore a grudging respect for the Council that had originated from when he was just a little squirt. Turning around, he saw a huge poster of a Neutrino drawn roughly in blue pen with labels all over it. Judging by the artistic content, it had been sketched by Foaly. The stupid horse's writing was so small and messy, only Foaly himself could read it.

Root picked a laser pointer, aiming it somewhere in the middle of the display. He had no idea as to what to say. "Well, uh," he stammered. "This is Foaly's- I mean _my_ new model of the Neutrino. There's tons of…of...cool stuff programmed in." Something clicked in his mind. Of course! Now he remembered. Foaly had shown him this model yesterday during his break. The commander hadn't understood a word the pony had bragged about, but he did remember some of the things Foaly had said it could do.

"Like, uh," Root pointed the laser at the barrel of the gun. "With the Neutrino 4000 you can shoot while you're shielded."

"And how is that so, Foaly?" one of the members questioned.

"Well…As you can see, this thing in the barrel provides more accuracy."

"What thing?" Root had a sinking feeling that Foaly wasn't gonna get a patent for this one. _Serves the pony right for imprisoning me in his body._

But how to answer the Councils' questions? "This little…doohickey." Root waved the laser pointer agitatedly around the barrel area, not sure what to point to.

"I see." Many of the members scribbled something one their little notepads. Oh well, he would let Foaly worry about that. "Since you don't seem to be able to describe how, read us what you've written there."

"Where?"

Someone pointed at the scribble of writing right below the barrel. _Oh great; I have to read that?_

Root cleared his throat, ahemming twice. Maybe it would be better just to pretend to choke so he could get out of there. "It says…" Root squinted, the letters were small and all blurred together. _Here goes…_ "Sotis wabbawabba doodoo laggahaggabagga mimimi wanna godada bafroom." (What? That's what it looked like.)

"Could…you repeat that?"

Root sighed. "Sotis wabbawabba doodoo laggahaggabagga mimimi wanna godada bafroom." (Say that last part out loud; I dare you)

"That's what I thought you said." There were several _harrumph_s from the peanut gallery; a.k.a. Council. Root thought he caught the words 'inappropriate humor' being whispered.

"And…also…" Root announced, trying to save what was left of the presentation. "It does this." He pushed a hidden button on the side of the Neutrino and several lights lit up in sequenced order, one after the other.

"How _brilliant, _Foaly," drawled Chairman Cahartez (Root finally remembered his name). He was clapping slowly, an amused look on his face. "You've managed to create a couple of pretty neon lights. I see our time here hasn't been wasted."

Ignoring Cahartez's sarcasm, Root continued. "It's not just flashing lights, Chairman."

"Oh?" A raise of an eyebrow. "Then what do they do?"

"They…um…well…" _Gaaah! I can't remember what! _"I know they do _something_, but I can't remember! Foaly said it had something to do with security…" _Did I just say that out loud? Oh no…_

"I don't get why we are talking in the third person here, but if that is the best _Foaly _can do…" Cahartez smirked, making Root just a little angrier. "Is there anything else you would like to say before we end this little meeting?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact I do." Root was feeling, strangely, not nervous at all about what he was going to do. Maybe it was because he felt safe doing this in Foaly's body; maybe it was because the chairman annoyed him; maybe it was because he had gone a little out of his mind from this whole body-switching thing; but Root wasn't concerned about the consequences. "It does this."

Root raised the Neutrino and fired a clean hole through Chairman Cahartez's hat. Ignoring the startled yelps that he had caused, he strode out of the meeting room with a triumphant smile on his face.

Foaly:

"Yeah?" Foaly said as Root stormed into his office. He (Foaly) was sipping carrot juice and spinning in his chair looking as if he was on vacation.

The commander acted rather explosively. "Don't you 'yeah' me, pony! Remember, I'm still the commander so don't you act up or as soon as I get back in my respective place I'll downsize your budget!"

Foaly burped, finishing his juice and tossing it in the trash can. _Three points! _"I'll have a cheeseburger with that, please." He stood up. "Anyway, I have business to attend to."

"What 'business'? Where do you think you are going, Foaly? I'm not done with you!"

"I'm going to your Council meeting at 11:30, remember?" Foaly chose to ignore the commander's last comment. "By the way, I'm assuming you presented my new Neutrino design…"

Root winked nastily at Foaly. "I did, believe me. And let me tell you, to the Council, in particular one Chairman Cahartez, this is one presentation they'll remember." With that perfect-in-his-eyes punchline, Root left Foaly looking confused as he exited the office.

Foaly stood there for over a minute before the fact that he had somewhere to go registered in his mind. He began the not-so-long walk over to the same meeting room Root had previously wooed the Council in. He walked past the vending machine, then retraced his steps. _Ah, what the heck. Who says a centaur can't enjoy life as the commander when he gets the chance?_

He flashed his commander's ID in front of the scanner. Within moments, the red LED light winked green and Foaly pressed the button next to the carrot juice logo with the speed and precision of someone who has done it many times before.

With a dull _clang_ a can of Foaly's worshipped juice dropped down. Reaching under the flap, Foaly smirked as he claimed his free prize. Just one of the many perks of being the commander: While LEP officers got to pay a reduced price and visitors had to pay full, the commander got the privilege of free food from the pantry and vending machines. As an afterthought, Foaly grabbed a bag of chips as well.

Before he entered the room, Foaly prepared himself by opening his can of carrot juice with a hiss. He took a long swig of juice as he walked in, sitting in the commander's seat at the head of the table and treating the audience to a loud burp. Foaly set down his juice, opened his bag of chips, and raised an eyebrow at the Council. The _perfect _entrance. At least to Foaly.

Chairman Cahartez, undoubtedly _the _most important member of the Council, cleared his throat and straightened out a bundle of papers in his hands. Foaly noted with slight amusement that his hat was nowhere to be seen. "Well…" he began, choosing not to see Foaly. "We are here today to discuss renovation ideas for the goblin prison Howler's Peak, as you all know."

"We know," confirmed Foaly. Little crumbs of chips flew out of his mouth as he spoke.

Cahartez's eyes flashed and the corners of his lips turned downwards ever so slightly. "Thank you, commander. Now, moving on…Does anyone have any ideas? Keep in mind some of Haven's most dangerous criminals are locked in Howler's Peak."

There was complete and utter silence, spare the 'commander's crunching noises.

Then, seeing the lack of hands, Cahartez began rattling off _his _list of ideas. And so the boredom began.

Root:

The _nerve _of that pony! How _dare_ he speak to him so disrespectfully! Root was silently fuming in Foaly's office. Foaly was going to pay dearly for what he had done.

_In fact,_ Root thought, _why don't I get a head start on lowering the obnoxious centaur's budget right now? _Root had always talked to Foaly about doing it, though in reality he had never once cut his budget.He turned on Foaly's main computer. It asked for a password.

Foaly and Fowl were the best ones to ask if you wanted to hack into someone's system. Asking Foaly was out of the question obviously, and Fowl would ask for some kind of price if the commander somehow managed to get in contact with him. _So, _Root concluded, _I'll just have to crack the code myself._

On his sixth try he got it. _Not bad for your ol' commander here, _Root chuckled, swelling with pride. But on the other hand, Foaly's password was so easy to guess, a four-year-old could have cracked it. Root decided not to look into that too deeply. Foaly's password was –get this- Foalyisdabest! See what I mean? Easy.

For one moment Root contemplated the thought of changing Foaly's password, then he regained control of himself. It would be hilarious to watch Foaly struggle to crack his own secret word, and yes, it wasn't like he didn't deserve it, but, as grudgingly as he admitted it, Root knew there might actually be an emergency. _Someday, though…_ The prospect was still funny.

Root logged onto the LEP Files. He selected the tab that said 'Budget' and scrolled down till he found Foaly's name. Hitting the 'Edit' button, he was asked for another password-one only the commander had since he was the only one authorized to change the amount of money funded into someone's research.

The moment he finished editing a signal would be sent to the Budgeting Department and Foaly would be cut short of a couple (or more) chunks of gold. Root allowed himself a satisfactory smirk and rubbed his hands together. He considered also raising his eyebrows up and down like the Cheshire Cat, but decided to preserve his image even though he knew he could get away with it if he wanted to.

Root changed the amount of gold in Foaly's budget by several ingots. Then he clicked 'Finish'.

And error message popped up, but it wasn't your normal error message. While Root had zero tolerance for any kind of mistake on Foaly's obnoxious machines, this one set his blood boiling at the mere sight of it.

'Error 391,089,111,526,557,876,134,233,107,949: Action Not Permitted'.

_What the?_ But it was an error; and though he didn't admit it, Root loved it when there was any kind of error on Foaly's gadgets. He took a piece of paper and prepared to write down the details to rub it in Foaly's oversized head.

But when he clicked 'Error Details' the commander got something he wasn't expecting.

'HELLO! This is Foaly, and you are undoubtedly Commander Root, unless you are me testing this so-called error message, created and modified on February 22, 2006, Haven time 2:26 P.M.'- Which was yesterday, Root realized- 'Since there is absolutely no one else who could want to 'lower my budget' not to mention get into this top-secret password-protected computer, I think I can be quite accurate here, hmm commander? But by now you are probably wondering –that is, if you're not me- why, you, cannot cut my budget. In fact, with my new in_genious _system, all you could possibly do with it is to increase it. Pity for you. Ta ta!' The minute Root read the last short sentence, little cartoonized Foaly-heads popped up all over the screen, obscuring everything else from view while simultaneously sticking their tongues out and chorusing, "Na-na-na-na-_naaaaaahh!_"

Then the computer speakers pulsed with Foaly's getting-more-annoying-by-the-second voice. "Foaly virus 101! Foaly virus 101! System shutdown 101! Na-na-na-na-_naaaaaahh!_"

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

About a dozen or so officers had their faces pressed into Foaly's Plexi-glass windows, staring as Foaly pounded his fists onto the keyboard liberally. Finally, Root looked up and saw them. "Bob," he said simply (look back on the first chapter). The officers shuffled away.

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

End chapter

Nnnn…I'm too tired to edit this. I think I made the characters a little too exaggerated, but unless something is so bad or wrong it disrupts the flow of the story, then please don't comment on it. Thanks and please please PLEASE review!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Guess.

Hello! Still I have only like three reviews. Oh well. Please review everyone.

Chapter 3

Foaly:

"Commander?"

Foaly, who had been staring out into space and imagining Root in various bikini costumes to pass the time, jolted back down to earth. "Yeah?" He licked his greasy fingers, then wiped them on his outfit.

Cahartez gave him a cool stare. "What do you think we should do about the renovations?"

"Oh. Whatever you just said." Foaly tried to do his best impression of Root, even pulling out a fungus cigar since his chips and juice were gone. He lit the cigar and placed it in between his teeth. Unfortunately, since Foaly wasn't…accustomed…to the taste of Root's cigars, when he attempted to inhale, the dry smoke going down his throat caused him to choke on it. He began coughing and patting himself on the back, and spit out the cigar.

He managed to spit it out hard enough so that it flew across through the air across the room and struck Chairman Cahartez right on the bridge of his nose.

Clearing his throat and acting like he had not just been hit in the face by a smelly cigar, Cahartez spoke. "Commander, what I just said was that goblins, because of their low IQs and brainpower, wouldn't need too much of a security measure and that you should take that into consideration."

"Oh. Then I don't have any ideas."

"Didn't you come with a pre-made list of them?"

"Nope." Foaly got up and began to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" Cahartez peered warily at the 'commander' through his glasses.

"To get more chips," Foaly burped and left.

Back in the meeting room, Chairman Cahartez cupped his forehead in his palm and slumped in his seat. How long was this meeting going to last…?

Root:

Seething, Root got up and unplugged the computer from the main power outlet with shaking hands. That pony…was going to get it!

The screen faded into its natural off color, and Foaly's annoyingly shrill voice was watered down into a low whine which faded into silence. The silence didn't last too long, though.

Root looked around for something to kick and spotted a cabinet door below Foaly's desk. He swung back on of his legs as far as it would go and in one swift movement, drove his hoof at the cabinet.

What you would expect from a move like that would be a nice loud bang as the wood cabinet shook a little, and possibly a little pain in your foot. In any case, that was what Root was expecting. However, what happened was the Root's hoof went straight through the cabinet door, and the door seemed to flicker a little. _A hologram? _he thought furiously. _What the heck?_

Then, because of a little thing called inertia (which I think I spelled wrong), his foot kept going until it hit something hard and broke through it, coating his hoof with something cold, wet and watery.

Root instantly pulled his foot back and swore as orange liquid began to puddle on the floor. A closer look (and smell) revealed it to be what else but carrot juice. Root moved a safe distance away and got on his stomach, peering under the desk.

Bottles and bottles of organic carrot juice were lined up neatly in rows. With his kick Root had burst about three or four of them, spilling their contents, seeping into the floorboards. Root felt rage bubbling inside of him for no reason.

Without thinking about what he was doing, unable to control his anger, Root pulled out the rest of the juice, bound together with that plastic wrap stuff you always see choking those poor little fish in the ocean, and stomped on them with his front two legs until they burst as well. He didn't stop until all the bottles were crushed and the eight ounces of juice in each bottle had all leaked out.

Once they had, Root stopped in shock, wondering what demon had possessed him to do what he had just did. It was a bit too late to clean up the mess as a _huuuuuuuuuuge _puddle, no _lake,_ of carrot juice was damaging the floor and probably dripping on the unsuspecting heads of the people on the floor below.

It was at that moment that Foaly walked into the scene.

(Author's note: Dun dun dun duuuuun!)

Foaly:

Foaly walked into his own office, and before the upside-down image entered his retinas which turned them right-side up for him to see, he noticed the strong smell of carrots.

Just then his eyes finishing processing the picture, and he was treated to the divine image of himself standing stock-still in an ocean of carrot juice with crushed cans floating on the surface. Foaly also noticed his desk hologram was flickering on and off, meaning someone had touched it.

"Wh-wh-wh-what the heck?" Foaly, eyes wide, took slow steps towards Root.

Root grunted. "Serves you right for hiding all those cans under your desk."

Something exploded in Foaly then. Acting just as rash as Root just did, Foaly tackled the commander to the ground.

"Ow! Stop! It was an accident!" Not strictly true. But hey, you would have said the same thing if an overweight centaur was pinning down your body.

"You…hurt…my…carrot juice!"

"STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

Eventually Foaly did stop and moved away from Root's body. "What-happened?"

Root got up slowly, ignoring a sudden pain in his knee. "You, pony," he said as shakily as he stood. "Are going to _pay_." He began to step towards the door. His dramatic exit, however, was ruined when he slipped on a patch of wet floor. Foaly hid a snicker behind a cough.

I'm _going to pay? _he wanted to shout. You _were the one who comes in and destroys my carrot juice!_

Root got up, shot Foaly a death glare as if he had somehow heard that thought and left the office, a trail of orange smelly footprints behind him.

-

Foaly sat at his desk perfectly still after mopping up the last of the carrot juice. Too much had gotten spilled and dirtied for him to salvage any. How dare the commander spill his well-earned carrot juice, all of it, on the floor and then just _leave _without so much as an apology or an offer to clean up _his _mess?

Foaly turned red with anger (which was a lot easier since he was in Beetroot's body) as he remembered each and every one of those days when he got his paycheck and he would head over to the local grocery store and luxuriously buy a few more cans to add to his collection. Now he would have to start building up all over again thanks to Root! Plus, carrot juice was something that calmed him down when he was mad and made him happy when he was depressed. More addictive than drugs, and far more effective.

Suddenly, Foaly was struck with inspiration. He jogged over to the nearest vending machine, taking out his commander's ID card. He bought the juice and patiently (ok, not so patiently) waited for the machine to vend.

It didn't happen.

When the juice didn't fall down after an eternity (one minute) of waiting, Foaly began kicking the machine in frustration, ignoring all the LEP officers who were watching. At last, someone tapped him on the shoulder hesitantly.

"_What_?" Foaly hissed, turning around. A meek-looking elf was in front of him, shrinking back as he spoke.

"Um, commander sir, you can't do that to the vending machine."

"And just why the hell not? Remember, puny little intern, I could fire you right here and now!" Foaly put his hands on his hips and leaned forward menacingly.

The elf waved his hands around nervously. "B-b-b-but I c-could open it up for you if there was something you wanted!"

"That's more like it." Foaly straightened up.

Shakily, the elf fumbled with a set of keys from his belt. The 'door' to the machine swung open, revealing rows of lined-up drinks. Foaly's eye fell on a single can of carrot juice wedged in between two shelves. Obviously it had gotten stuck while falling.

With a tight pull, Foaly unlodged the juice and walked away, leaving the little elf to wonder what he had done to not even deserve a thank-you.

-

"My precioussssssssss," Foaly stroked the can up and down with a maniacal gleam in his eye. OK, just kidding. What Foaly really did the second he sat down at his desk was pop open the can and guzzle down the whole thing in an instant.

Feeling calmer already, Foaly tossed the can and sat quietly, thinking. You see, you can't just waste Foaly's entire stock of carrot juice and walk away expecting nothing to happen.

The aforementioned Foaly tapped his fingers on the desk, a slow smile spreading across his face. Yes, he would have his revenge all right…

End chapter

Review please! There may be mistakes since I didn't check it over again (these days I never do...ha) sorry about that. It's a bit shorter than usual but I just had to update this!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Guess what. Don't own.

Hello everybody who is happening to read this! Sorry for the late update. This chapter didn't come out nearly as funny as I'd had hoped but oh well enjoy it if you can. Oh yes and as the story progresses Root and Foaly will be acting more and more out of character as they get madder and madder at each other. I'm sorry but it's hard to write it any other way! (don't say I didn't warn you!)

Switched: Part 2

Chapter 4

Foaly:

Foaly looked the PowerPoint over, eyebrows scrunched together. It was ready, he determined. It was ready to be released into the public. Foaly was tempted to heat up a bag of popcorn, but he couldn't wait any longer so he settled on a bag of Skittles. (Taste the Rainbow, I say, Taste the Rainbow!) Satisfied, he prepared himself for the show.

Root:

Root was pacing around on four legs in his own office, struggling with his conscience and his common sense. His conscience was currently dealing the bigger blow.

_You dummy! How could you just calmly walk away? You practically trash Foaly's office with carrot juice and leave! Just leave! Without apologizing! Okay, maybe that wouldn't have helped, but at least you could try! _(see, I told you it would be OOC!)

On the other hand, this common sense was saying the exact opposite.

_Shut up, conscience! You did the right thing, brotha. That pony probably stole that juice anyway, and it wasn't your fault for blowing off steam! You had every right to after Foaly's obnoxious computer program anyway!_

His two sides argued, one against the other. Good and bad. Yin and yang. Angel food cake and devil food cake. Okay, not the best of comparisons, but what else was there?

In the end, Root's conscience won- sort of. He decided to wait until Foaly could cool off, then he would saunter over to Foaly's office and act like nothing had happened. When Foaly brought up the subject, which he would, Root would say a nice, genuine, sincere sorry. There's always a time for firsts, right?

At least, that was what was supposed to happen until Root saw the slide show.

Foaly:

It was impossible to miss. Foaly had rigged it so that it interrupted every LEP officer's computer and TV screens with its message. It wormed its way throughout the entire LEP network, starting with a pop-up message.

'We interrupt this program to bring you one of the most enlightening slide shows you will have ever seen in your life! Click OK to continue.' Just in case they didn't click OK, Foaly made the slide show appear on each LEP officer's (and Root's) screen anyway.

The first slide was the title one. In big bubble letters with a flashing background, the screen proclaimed, 'Know Your Stars: Commander Julius Root'.

"D'Arvit! What the-?" Root's eyes bulged and it took every bit of his self-control to keep from smashing the brand-new, extremely expensive plasma TV in his office. What was going on?

After five seconds Foaly showed the next slide. It showed a picture of Root half-turned sideways, engaged in pleasant chit-chat, a smile on his face as he talked. The thing was, Foaly had altered the background to a sunny beach background with sparkling waters, sun, and sand.

He had also done some cutting-and-pasting, as the commander was now dressed in a revealing, flirty two-piece bathing suit that was pink with white flowers. He appeared to be talking to two pretty girls, though they looked frightened and disturbed. Under the photo was the quote, "I'm Julius Root, and I love to wear my bikini! Don't I look sexy?"

Foaly let this slide sit for a full seven seconds, watching and enjoying himself as the murmurs escalated. _Is there anything better in life? _Then he presented the third slide.

This one showed a picture of Root grinning and presenting with one arm an entire dusty warehouse shelf with boxes and boxes of fungus cigars, all unopened and brand-new, lined up next to each other. In the background were several elves pushing around carts of more boxes, grumbling. True happiness, Julius style.

Under this altered picture, Foaly had placed the words, "This is only one of my warehouses of cigars I own! Impressive, huh? But how do think I get all my cigars? Robbery? Well, I can't blame ya…wait! That came out wrong!"

The next slide showed Root holding an intern by his throat several inches off the ground. The intern's face was turning a purplish-red color from lack of breath. Root's face matched the hue, only his was from anger, (or was it pleasure?)not suffocation. "This is what I do with my free time," was placed under it.

There were five more slides after that, showing everything from Root cuddling his bunny Sugarpuff to Root playing a video game with a five-year-old pixie. During the show, even from Foaly's office, through the reduced-sound walls,you didn't need a microphone to hear the laughter.

The last slide said, 'THE END: Now you know Julius Root, bikini-wearer, intern-strangler, and bunny-cuddler! We hope this show has given you a little more background on our favorite commander!"

Foaly exited the slide show off everyone's computer and TV screens. He congratulated himself with a pat on the back and put his feet on his desk. There was nothing modern-day technology couldn't do these days.

Root:

Except save Foaly from the wrath of one (extremely annoyed) Commander Root, perhaps. While Foaly – ahem – Root took his lunch break at the local café (revenge sure stimulated a person's appetite, but after what he had done he couldn't just head over to the LEP pantry) Root – ahem- Foaly took a look in Foaly's office, I mean, in his own office. Gosh, all this body-switching mayhem thing is confusing to a person's grammar!

Anyway, back to Root. Walking around Foaly's office, he knew one thing: Had Foaly not publicly embarrassed him in front of the entire LEP, or just plain embarrassed him, he would have been an afterthought, what he always deserved to be anyways. Now, Root had no intention of saying sorry anymore. Now, to him, he had to settle the score. He didn't care if he triggered a World War III between him and Foaly, but the commander wanted his dignity back. And he knew just the way to do it. Well, not get his dignity back, but start a World War III that is.

In Foaly's supply closet (more like supply _room_) Root found the perfect thing to take out his revenge: an old-fashioned Mud Man video camera complete with tripod stand and carrying case. However, it had been re-designed so it could record on fairy disks as well as Mud man videos and DVD whatchamacallits.

Root found a couple brand-new blank fairy disks and took one. Her inserted it into the camera, and then through a little exploring, found Foaly's laboratory. Dragging the stand behind him in a way that was sure to leave scratch marks, Root moved the camera and stand right in front of one of Foaly's experimenting tables where a half-finished prototype of…something…lay. Really, you can't blame him, it looked somewhat like a statue of some important guy melted and re-mushed together and hardened to form pudding. There was a mess of blueprints, it looked like, off to the side along with a drill.

It took Root a little while to figure out exactly where to aim the camera, and then another little while to set it up. But when he finally had it, Root smiled. Showtime.

Root attached a protective mask to his head, you know those metal things with eye slits that make you look like a mad scientist? For the moment, he lifted it up so you could see his face. Pressing the on button, Root peered unnervingly close to the camera, blinking his large, bulbous eyes a few times for good measure.

Scene 1:

Once he was sure the camera was on, Root pulled his face away, winking not-so-discreetly and grinning evilly. He waved a little, then pulled down his mask and tiptoed over to the table. Picking up the drill-thingy, Root flicked off the safety cap and depressed the button with his thumb carelessly.

_ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ_ went the drill, white sparks emanating from its mouth. Root touched the tip gently to the hunk of metal, producing the expected harsher _Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt _sound you always see in mad-scientist movies.

Root pressed the tool harder until the noise became deeper and staticky. At one point he was aware of the drill drilling right through the metal itself and beginning to move on to the table, making it vibrate gently.

Root pulled out the drill too late; there was a small charred black hole that was smoking on the desk. Oh well, let that be a sign of warning to the pony…

Scene 2:

This time Root was in front of Foaly's carefully organized cabinets. The scene began with Foaly's file cabinets all pulled open, though nothing was messed up of taken out. For the moment at least.

Root had sat as cross-legged as he could with four legs. He waved. "Hello Foaly, it's me, Foaly, here with an important message that I think you could learn from."

With one hand, Root pulled out a couple pieces of paper, and in the other he picked up a torch-blower. He waved the papers in front of the camera, revealing what looked like several important-looking complicated documents in an indistinguishable scrawl. Written by Foaly of course.

"The Japanese value simplicity," Root said. "Why shouldn't we?" With that he turned on the torch blower, a bluish-colored flame erupting from the tip of the instrument. Nowhere near as the white-hot fire that is should have produced- evidently its batteries were running low. How embarrassing-but Root didn't know how to edit tapes so he proceeded. Besides, any kind of flame could be used for this.

Root made sure his fire-resistance gloves were on right, then he touched the flame to the papers, which almost immediately caught on fire. He let the papers burn for a while, doing his best to enjoy the crackling noises without feeling guilt, then doused the flame with a fairy fire extinguisher. He held up the blackened papers to the camera. It was burnt in many spots, blurring the remaining words together.

Root repeated the process several more times on different papers, then ended the scene with a remote control right when he was in the middle of burning a new wad of paper, giving Foaly the right to assume he would continue until there was nothing left unburnt when in reality Root put away everything after and prepared for the next scene. Don't say the pony didn't deserve it.

Scene 3:

The final scene. At last. There was only one more part of Foaly's lair: The Chem Lab.

It was really just one big table with drawers of pipettes, test tubes, etc. and a small fridge with different liquids. In a large crate next to the table were manilla folders and miscellaneous papers along with Foaly's observation journal.

Already set up on the table was a complicated looking contraption with twists and turns. There were several test tubes filled with bubbling, hissing and spitting liquids of all colors attached to various tunnels and clear tubes. The entire…thing...was encased in a removable glass case for safety, which Root almost immediately discarded.

_Time to have a little fun, _thought Root excitedly.

He found a vial of a purple, gurgling potion-like liquid lying on Foaly's desk. There was a sticky spot on the lid where a label used to be, but there wasn't one now, so…erm, how could you expect Root to know there was a skull and bones symbol on it?

Root unscrewed the lid with a hiss. The purple liquid, thicker than water but not as thick as melted chocolate, gave a protesting sound that sounded like a moan. Root tipped the vial so a few drops would fall into a triangle-shaped beaker, then changed his mind and held the vial straight pointing downwards, letting the whole potion pour into the beaker. A second later Root wondered whether that was a safe thing to do considering the potion could have been a highly poisonous mixture that could blow up the universe, but then shrugged it off. What were the odds?

From the beaker (which was emitting a clear steam) the purple liquid dripped down another tube into a shaking, fogged-up rectangular bottle. Instead of it continuing into the next tube, the mix leaked out and into an empty soda can. Root was somewhat disappointed to say the least. He had hoped for more of a show…you know, for the camera…

Trying not to think, _'That's it?'_, Root scooped up the can, noting that the color of the liquid had changed to a noxious green potion that seemed to vibrate and make groaning sounds, but maybe that was just his imagination…

Shrugging, Root pulled open Foaly's minifridge and took out another container with a teaspoon attached to the lid. Inside it was a black oily tar-like solution. A Post-It was stuck to its side, saying 'Mix with Substance A. Use one teaspoon only. More will end in explosive results.'

_So dramatic. Explosive results my foot…I mean, hoof. But what's Substance A? Oh well this green solution will have to be good enough… _Root slammed down the half full soda can on the table and opened the container. He carefully spooned everything in it into the can, not spilling a drop. Then he stirred the mixture with the teaspoon before tossing the spoon and container aside.

The soda can shook and bubbled, spitting drops of a dark green liquid that seemed to evaporate as soon as they touched the air, then it settled down again with a hiss. It looked like nothing had happened except the change of color.

_That's all? What about the explosive—_

Kraka-

_BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!_

_Heh heh…oops._

End scene

End chapter

Should I delete this fic? (wow, that was random) I NEED FEEDBACK! Please review.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Do I _look_ like Eoin Colfer?

Hey, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk! I'm glad I got some more reviews this time (whew! So I won't be deleting this). So I'm updating again (I'm rather late, but aren't I always? Sorry, I haven't updated for like a month). Oh yes, and since I am on vacation, I probably won't be able to update again until next week, or the one after.

This chapter isn't as funny as some and may be just a teeny bit tedious to read (though I hope not), but please keep reading! You'll like where this is leading in the end, though I can't tell you all just yet…The next chapter will be funnier, I promise. This is one of those building-up-the-dramatic-tension chapters.

And lastly, I feel the need to shout. SPRING BREEEEEEEEEAKKK! (at least where I live) Yessss…

Switched: Part 2

Chapter 5

Foaly:

Foaly was happily munching on a ham and cheese sandwich at the Fairytale Grill (for people who read Switched: sound familiar?) and downing it with a glass of purified CJ (orange juice, OJ, carrot juice, CJ, ya dig? Sorry, that came out wrong…) when suddenly from the LEP building there was what sounded like an explosion, albeit a very minor one (at least it _sounded _like a minor one) through the restaurant's so-called sound-proof walls and windows. Really, when was the last time they were checked?

Foaly stared at the building for a minute, then returned to his meal, shrugging to himself. He'd deal with whatever that was later. Was it really worth abandoning his sandwich for? He took another bite.

Root:

Root rubbed the stinging ash out of his eyes and blinked a few times until his vision cleared up. For the shortest, slightest moment he wondered where he was, before remembering that he was in Foaly's lab. It sure didn't look like a lab now, which might have factored into why he didn't know where he was.

It wasn't as bad as he had thought. What he had been expecting was maybe a couple pieces of material left, and the rest of the laboratory blasted into oblivion.

Still, there was no denying the damage here. Black marks like tiger stripes of ash lined the walls, which had amazingly not collapsed. However, some of the white paint and plaster had peeled off to reveal solid steel walls, at least a foot thick behind the white ones. No wonder.

The rest of the lab had suffered more than extreme hurt. Since the titanic, over-protectable walls had made sure not a single spark had escaped the lab, the explosion was contained in the room only, ricocheting off the walls to hit again with double force. Everything was ashen-gray to coal-black colored. But that wasn't the worst of it.

Everything and anything whole and undamaged in the room had been broken and destroyed (as for the things that were already broken and destroyed, well…let's just say they're better off this way…), not too far from what Root had been expecting.

The chem lab table (what was left of it) was nothing more than a blackened stump of wood with inch-thick piles of ash where the legs had once been.

The testing thingy that Root had poured his potion into was shattered; the only evidence that it had ever existed being several pieces of glass haphazardly littered everywhere. Root almost stepped on one as he walked around.

Foaly's minifridge was turned upside down, doors hanging open. Everything inside was dumped out onto the floor, smelling worse than a mountain of sulfur, and was probably ten times as poisonous. Root turned his head, partly to avoid smelling the fumes, partly to take in more of the demolition.

His tripod stand was snapped in two, barely recognizable since its painted black legs perfectly blended in with the ash around it, and the camera was nowhere to be found.

Root decided he liked the tripod that way, so no one could find it. He couldn't bring himself to look at any more. Miraculously, the explosion hadn't seemed to affect him in any way: No pain, no scorch marks, hey, his body wasn't even covered in soot! If Root found this strange (which he did), he certainly didn't say it.

He left the lab behind, dusting his horsey body as he went. He wasn't going to be here to look guilty when Foaly found out about this all.

Foaly:

Foaly had finished his lunch and slipped into the LEP building as discreetly as he could. He quietly locked himself into his office (_not_ Root's, where the commander was now sitting in trying not to look suspicious) without being noticed. He was in a considerably good mood after taking out his revenge and seemingly getting away with it. _My lovely carrot juice, _he thought, _your destruction has finally been avenged. _For now, not even the fact that he was trapped in Root's body could dampen his spirits.

In fact, after a good moment like this, there was nothing Foaly liked to do more than head into his lab and experiment with some potions and mixtures. Even in Root's body, Foaly theorized, well, he still had _his _brain, and he still loved the feeling he got when altering chemical structures of various scientific concoctions.

Foaly headed over in the direction of his lab, completely and totally unaware. Hey, they say ignorance is bliss…meaning in about five minutes, Foaly's bliss would come to a shattering end. And that was the best-case scenario.

Holly:

Holly, who was supposed to be on lunch break, was crouched in a very uncomfortable position in the corner of a bathroom stall (in this fic the bathroom is like the characters' secret hideout, in case you haven't noticed), practically hugging the toilet, with her fairy communicator and a small video tape the size of an index card from the end of the first chapter. She slipped the half-centimeter thick tape into a small slot in the top of the communicator. Within seconds the screen fizzled with static, then returned to its normal aquamarine color.

Holly chose Artemis from her rather miniscule list of contacts. She could almost hear Artemis's Vivaldi ringtone alerting him to the call.

After three rings, Artemis picked up. His face registered recognition as a mask for pleasant surprise as he saw who was on the other end. "Why, hello, Captain Short. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Don't act dumb, Fowl. We both know what you're trying to say." Holly let a devilish smile creep over her face.

"Very well." Artemis dropped his act.

"I've got something to show you, Artemis." Holly pressed the 'Send' button on her communicator. The tape made all sorts of groaning noises as the data on it was copied and sent over to Artemis's communicator with a _ding _to tell her it had arrived. "I think you'll enjoy watching it."

"I think I will," replied Artemis, grinning a vampire's grin.

Foaly:

Foaly hummed a newly made up tune as he strode over to his lab, arms swinging by his sides, the perfect picture of a self-assured centaur-er, commander walking down the hall even though no one was there to see him.

There was no dramatic pause as Foaly reached to open the door. No overwhelmingly impossible distraction to take away his attention. Nothing to draw him away. In fact, for people who like drama, I'm sorry to say there was hardly any drama at all. Foaly simply clicked the handle and opened the door like he would on any other day.

He was on the verge of stepping inside when his eyes caught sight of his lab.

Foaly was not prepared for what he saw. Not by a long shot he wasn't. For the longest _and _shortest time, it seemed, he stood where he was and didn't move a muscle. His brain struggled to comprehend that this _was _his lab. Or, this was where his lab used to be.

It looked like a tornado had hit it. His dear, poor lab: what had happened?

No. Worse than a tornado. An explosion. Yes, an explosion was what looked like had hit his lab. Wood planks (charred) and glass shards littered the floor like so many pieces of paper. Astounded (and appalled), Foaly turned what appeared to be the remains of his minifridge over with one hand. The spic-spec off-white plastic exterior was blackened with soot and ashes until you couldn't tell it had ever been that color. The walls were…well, the walls looked like someone had liberally scorched them with a flamethrower. Some of the paint had peeled and chipped off.

Foaly stepped on something covered in ash. Drawing his foot back to reveal a scratched, beaten-up but still usable fairy disk, Foaly picked it up with two fingers. Examining the fragile disk and wiping some ash off it, Foaly searched for a label. He always labeled his disks; it was so much more convenient.

No label, and no evidence of one ever being there. It wasn't his disk, then. So whose was it?

_Only one way to find out, _Foaly thought. He tried to cling to this normal thought, tried not to think about his lab, telling himself, _there must be some kind of mistake_.

-

A couple minutes later, Foaly had exited the lab and was seated comfortably in his office chair, having just put the disk into his television. His walk back had been a lot more defeated than his walk to the lab. He felt strangely nervous, as if he knew what had happened in the far corners in his mind but the truth slipped away just as he tried to think about it.

He spun around in his chair three times just to stall, and turned on his TV. _Maybe this will bring some answers… _He thought melodramatically.

With a crackle of static, the screen came alive, with what appeared to be a large, brown eye, blinking and fluttering its short clumpy eyelashes. _Hey, I know that eye…isn't it…_ Foaly reached to touch his own eye, but then remembered whose body he was in.

Five seconds of blinking, then the eye pulled away, to reveal a freakishly familiar face on top of a freakishly familiar body with four legs, a tail, and a cocky posture at his disposal.

Root winked rather exaggeratedly and smiled an evil smile; more like a smirk. Foaly watched, disgusted and appalled (and just a teensy bit afraid, perhaps) as Root revealed the scene, pointed to the piece of metal on the desk, and picked up the drill.

Foaly's mouth formed into a little _o_ of outrage and surprise as he watched the rest of the scene and the next one. The…the nerve! It wasn't so much as he was surprised as _what _Root had done, but more like he was surprised he had actually _done _it.

At the third scene, Foaly stood up with anger. Destroying his prototype (and his desk, though luckily for him the latter could be easily replaced and the former was one of many copies he had designed: but don't tell that to Root) and burning his paper (actually rough drafts for documents handed in and completed a long time ago: therefore, insignificant) was bad enough even though miraculously nothing of worth was damaged, but his chem lab was a different story.

The chem lab was where Foaly created and experimented with all his dangerous, freakish brews and potions. They didn't always react like he had predicted, causing more than one unforecasted bangs and whizzes, but usually with a little luck and prayer, something of use would come out of it. Foaly had feeling that wouldn't happen this time.

His mouth fell open watching Root tamper with his potions. The purple fluid Root was currently wiggling in front of the camera for a 'dramatic effect' was one of his more radioactive, dangerous concoctions, though it should have been okay given that Root wouldn't mix it with… (Dum dum dum…scary music plays here)

Foaly watched as the purple substance trickled into the soda can neatly placed under the spout of a tube, still having the butterflies in his stomach. Though deep down, he knew he had been expecting something of the like from the commander, he still felt the original rage he had experienced when he first found out he was in Root's body. _And with good reason, _Foaly defended himself.

Rage good. Root bad. This was the logic that Foaly repeated to himself to decrease the guilt just a tiny bit.

Finally, after an eternity and a half, the purple potion (oh god, it's alliteration) finished dripping, and Root pulled something out from Foaly's minifridge. Foaly craned his neck as if that would help, but Root's back was to him, so he couldn't see what Root had taken out.

Until he turned around. _Isn't this convenient, _Foaly thought, shamelessly staring at the image on the TV. _Somehow, by blind luck I guess, ol' Beetroot manages to first pick the most radioactive liquid thing in this building to mix with who knows what, then he picks out possibly the most _dangerous _liquid thing in the building too. _What were the odds? Foaly wondered if this was all a dream. He reached over to his left arm.

_Pinch, ouch! _No, not a dream. This was reality. Foaly rubbed his arm, his mind remaining numb. Oh, of course unconsciously he knew what was going to happen with Root and the potion.

But his conscious self was refusing to accept it. The truth, I mean. His unconscious was putting together the pieces of the puzzle rapidly, connecting the potions to Root to the scene and finally to the destruction of his lab. But his conscious self just stared blankly at the video recording, still hoping that by some long shot, something other than what he thought would happen.

Now, we _could _delve deeper into Foaly's mind to psychoanalyze the situation, but the author thinks she already messed up the previous paragraph enough. So let's move on.

Foaly's eyes were glued to the screen as the Root, or the Foaly when you think about it, on the TV visibly skimmed the scrawled note on the Post-It and seemed to disregard it. Foaly's breath caught in his throat (okay, I think I'm overdoing the drama…anyone else agree?) as Root all but dumped (though rather carefully) the container's liquid contents into the soda can.

There was what seemed like a dramatic pause as the whole image was still, Root looking at the can expectantly, the can only bubbling a little, before there was a _pop! _and a devastatingly loud noise that sounded halfway between a crash and a bang as the TV screen immediately went white, then cracked with grey static. Foaly turned it off. There was nothing more to be seen.

He sank back down into his chair, and sat very still.

Foaly couldn't even muster up anger at Root, or anyone. Funny, after all this time of being stuck in this elfin body, he had never before (in the couple of hours he had been in this body) had trouble, but at this very moment he couldn't summon a single spark of rage.

He had seen it with his own eyes. But yet in a world that declared, 'Seeing _is _believing', Foaly was having surprisingly little success digesting the information his retinas had just given him.

Maybe it was because he had never thought the commander would have sunken to that level of…what? Foaly-ness? Who knew?

This is when Foaly's brain decides to give him a little kick in the…um…nerve cells by waking him up to the (rather cold) fact that _yes, Root _did _destroy your laboratory; where have you been? _And re-activated his need for r-e-v-e-n-g-e, find out what it means to me! Um, yeah. It was like _BOOM _and the shock disappeared, letting Foaly through the realization, then the indignation that was never far behind.

Foaly was immediately grabbed by the need to kick something, and hard, though remembering Root and his carrot juice, he could not bring himself to. For lack of thinking of a productive way to let go of his anger, he reduced himself to stomping on his floorboards, moving his arms in chopping motions, and fixing his face into the ugliest grimace he could with the commander's features. He did this for all of three minutes, hoping his sound-proof walls would hold (picture this; go ahead).

Abruptly, he stopped his little temper tantrum, and simply stood there, feeling immensely stupid.

Foaly glanced at his clock. It was, spare a millisecond or two, 3 o' clock. Most LEP officers went home around five. That left him two hours…

…two hours to pull off the most ingenious, deliciously nasty, humiliating revenge scheme ever that was already forming in Foaly's mischievous mind.

End chapter

Is it me or are the chapters getting longer? Well, I hope you enjoyed this. I left it unedited because frankly, I'm too tired to edit this today. A little preview to the next chappie…let's just say it involves Foaly, a new set of rules, and a very displeased Root…I know that practically gives it away. Or does it?

Let's see…one or two chapters left. Probably two, but not sure. Then that'll be the end of this mini-series (can you call this a series with only two installments?).

Whatevs. Please review, and keep reading this fic. Thankies!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: _(absolute, disquieting silence…)_

Hey y'all! (grins) I'm here with an update, folks.

Switched: Part 2

Chapter 6

Artemis:

The young man clad in an Armani suit and a self-assured, cocky aura known as Artemis Fowl sat in a cross-legged position on his king-sized bed, clutching an ultrasonic device, the fairy communicator, in one hand. In the other he held a glass of sparkling water, full to the brim, but gripped so firmly not a drop spilled.

Artemis took a sip. If you looked into his dark, ocean-blue hued eyes, they would betray no emotion. Neither would his face. Beneath his cold disguise, however, was a curiosity you didn't normally see there.

He was waiting for the tape Holly had sent him to download. Artemis set his glass on his nightstand. For a civilization as advanced as the fairies', you would think the percent status bar would have filled up by now.

_61 percent, 62 percent…64 percent…_

Artemis clicked his tongue softly, impatiently.

_86 percent, 87 percent, 88 percent…_

The Irish boy uncrossed and recrossed his legs. He flicked the hair out of his eyes.

_98 percent, 99 percent…100 percent._

The status bar disappeared and the Options menu popped up. Artemis selected play. _Let's see how Foaly and Root are doing, shall we?_

Artemis's thin, cruel lips twisted into a smile as the scene unfolded. His lips, first stretched taut, began to curve up and widen…

-

Butler was busy pacing the corridor down the stairs from his young charge's room when he heard a strange noise from above. The bodyguard stopped in his tracks, furrowing his brow, straining his ears.

It seemed to be coming from Artemis's room, though if the sound was what he thought it was, that couldn't mean anything good…that could mean…

Butler's mind needed no more reasons. He quickly but silently ascended the stairs, each leap bringing him three steps up, pulling out his revolver. Butler winced at every squeak, yet it could be vital he keep moving…

Butler turned the doorknob to Artemis's bedroom door and swung it open in one swift motion. Before the human eye could even blink, he had his gun out and pointed and was assessing the situation.

His 14-year-old master appeared to be doubled over, giggles escaping from between his normally bloodless lips. These were not the dry, sarcastic chuckles he was accustomed to hearing from Artemis, this was full-blown laughter. Something was _clearly _wrong.

Butler's eye caught on the fairy communicator. There was an image on it, though from this far away and the angle it was at, he couldn't tell what it was. Maybe Artemis had been mesmerized? No, why would the fairies do that? After their last adventure, the fairies had become friends. Plus, his principal was too smart to allow something like that to happen, so Butler outruled fairies as a possibility.

His eye strayed to the water glass. Some sort of venom in his drink? There _were _little bubbles in it…but no, that was just the sparkling water. The properties of the water looked the same, but he would have to test its pH later…

Nothing was broken into, the room looked perfectly normal, so what was going on? There was only one more possibility Butler's mind hadn't outlawed, but it was so unlikely Butler wasn't sure whether he should call it possible…that this was real, honest laughter.

When was the last time he had seen Artemis laugh like this? Never, Butler realized. Whatever mirth his charge had been exposed to, usually the only result was, if not a scowl and sarcastic comeback, a smirk and half-hearted twitching of the lips. So what could have caused this?

Butler's brain processed this information in all of three seconds before putting together a crude plan. _Approach with caution, _he could almost hear his instructor, Madame Ko, say.

"Artemis?" Butler said, taking a slow but deliberate step forward, still checking for signs of poison.

"Oh…B…Butler…" Artemis was gasping for breath, trying to pull himself into a sitting position. His eyes were watering with the effort of laughing so hard, but now he was trying to get back under control.

Butler took another slow step forward. "Is everything…all right?" He spoke as if he were talking to a five-year-old. After all, his brain reasoned, this could be an imposter…

But milliseconds later, Artemis had pulled himself back together. He sat up straight and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "Yes, Butler. Everything is fine." His voice was soft, reassuring and in control, nothing like the helpless, giggle-stricken teenager he had been a moment before.

Quick as a flash, Artemis snatched the fairy communicator, pressed a button, and tossed it back onto the bed. Its screen was now blank.

Artemis focused his attention on Butler's eyes, making the older man slightly uncomfortable. The young man waited for the older one to speak.

Finally, Butler forced himself to talk. "Just checking." And giving the room one last sweep with his eyes, the elder bodyguard left the room.

Butler never mentioned it again, but that day was one that gave him an emotional scar for the rest of his life.

Foaly:

Foaly sat at his desk, typing rapidly onto his keyboard. The ideas were coming fast, his brain juices were really flowing today.

He had two files open on his computer. Since it was his _main _computer and therefore the screen was visible to passing LEP officers, one file was his official-looking criminal records document. This he would open whenever he heard an LEP officer's footfalls coming near enough to see. This way it looked as if he were working.

However, as soon as the officer passed, Foaly would return to his other document. What a stroke of genius! (at least to Foaly)

Foaly typed in the last of the list, double-checked it, and jabbed the Print button. He wore a satisfied smirk as his printer complied.

He snatched the paper as soon as it was done printing. Time to make his statement.

Foaly hovered by his door and pressed the intercom button attached to the speakers all around the building. "Attention, all LEP personnel please report to the audience hall, urgent."

That should do it. Foaly could already hear the officers' chairs scraping as they began to file down the hallways, grumbling about what this could be. Foaly, paper in hand, cut through his office to a back door in the audience hall. He pulled the stage curtains apart and adjusted the microphone. He perched himself on the lip of the stage and twiddled his thumbs as the LEP officers began coming in and seating themselves.

"Commander, what is this all about?" Grub Kelp whined. "I was just in the middle of polishing my shoes and-"

"Just sit down, Corporal Kelp." Foaly said in the best Root-ish voice he could. Grub obeyed him.

Once everyone was seated, Foaly snapped his fingers and the doors closed on command, only to have them thrown open again by Root a second later.

Foaly tried to keep a straight face as he watched Root lumber over to a seat, twice tripping over his own feet and having to grab another officer to steady himself, looking as if he hadn't a clue why he was there. And like everyone else, he didn't.

Foaly cleared his throat into the microphone. "Okay, settle down, settle down. I know you're probably wondering why the hell you all are here, but I'll tell you soon enough.

"As many of you know, the recent escape and recapture of Opal Koboi (this story takes place after OD, but Holly is still employed, Root is still alive, and Artemis is friends with the fairies. Just thought I would mention that) has proven our current security measures not…as tight as they should be. I blame not the technicians such as the brilliant-minded Foaly-" he saw Root scowl out of the corner of his eye and smiled, "-but rather, the officers who carry out the 'security measures'. Therefore, I have put together a _new_ set of rules to be followed by all LEP officers –including me- starting tomorrow." The words poured out of Foaly's mouth easier than he had imagined. He gave himself a mental pat on the back, then focused his attention back on the confused-looking officers in front of him.

"Rule number one: Instead of the custom and traditional LEP uniform, all officers should now wear 'comfort clothes' in their offices when not on a mission-namely pajamas, oversized T-shirts, or sweats. This will ensure that instead of the uncomfortable tightness of your uniforms, you will concentrate on your work. Also, should you be attacked by flying food or spilled ink, you will not be charged rather expensively for a new uniform, because comfort clothes are easily washed and replaced cheaply.

"Rule number two: Every Monday, all officers should eat at least two cloves of garlic before coming to work to ward off enemies encountered on aboveground missions. Also used to save time going to work by warding off pestering gnomes and goblins who try to hold you up like they did Holly in Book 1 (or was it two? I forget).

"Rule number three: Every Wednesday, officers should wear a bright-colored wig and big sunglasses to work so in case the person in the cubicle next to you is a murderer, they will not recognize you and leave you alone.

"Rule number four: Every Friday, all male LEP officers must wear makeup and dress like girls to work. This is to prevent crazed fangirls (authoress's note: ahem, cough cough looks down) from recognizing and attacking them, therefore speeding up the process of them going to work.

"Rule number five: All LEP officers must decorate their cubicles/offices with spinach and lettuce leaves. I'd give a reason except I couldn't think of one for this.

"Rule number six: Every other week, LEP officers should dress up as pieces of meat- ham, bacon, chicken legs, et cetera to promote to the general public to save plants and the forest and eat solely meat instead. Anyone who doesn't do this will be forced to dress up as a banana and stand outside the building for the whole day…And trust me, we've got plenty of banana suits.

"That concludes the list of rules to follow. Remember that they apply only to the officers and commanders, not the technicians. Disobeying these rules will end in being fired from the LEP. Dismissed."

All this time when he was reading these rules, Foaly had not looked at the audience. Now he did so, preparing himself.

The majority of the LEP were sitting stunned on their seats, the same expression frozen on their faces, the one like you were just punched in the face: Surprised, on the verge of getting mad, but too shocked to react. Grub Kelp looked like he was about to faint from the mention of rule three, while his brother Trouble was turning maroon hearing number four. Holly, who sat next to him, looked as if she was both trying to keep from laughing and as if she knew something she shouldn't.

But Foaly had to say, Root's reaction took the cake. He supposed it was really _his _reaction if that made any sense, but whatever.

Looking at Root's (well, actually Foaly's) face, Foaly couldn't help but think, _I never knew I could turn that color! _Root's face was rapidly purpling, turning reddish-black-blue as if from oxygen deprivation. But Foaly knew it was shock, not lack of air that was throttling the commander.

Finally, the word 'dismissed' seemed to reach the ears of the officers. They slowly began shuffling out the doors, save for Root, who stayed in his seat as people pushed past him. When most officers had left, he slowly got up and instead of moving towards the door, walked towards Foaly, who couldn't help but feel a little nervous.

Nevertheless, Foaly stayed where he stood. As the last of the officers departed, Root reached him, strangely expressionless.

The door clicked shut, alerting Foaly to the fact that he was alone with Root.

And the commander looked like he had something to say.

End chapter

Well, how did you like it? Was it funny? I didn't think so. Probably one more chapter. Tell me if you want an epilogue. This seemed kind of rushed, and I apologize, because my stories always are.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: All characters and whatever else do not belong to me, they belong to Eoin Colfer. Wow, that was the closest thing I've ever given to an actual disclaimer. I must be in a happy mood.

Okay, peoples, this is the last chapter, but there will be an epilogue. So, uh, yeah. Sorry this took awhile, it's kinda rushed because I really wanted to get it out. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and read this story. I hope you enjoyed it.

Switched: Part 2

Chapter 7

Root:

The commander in the centaur's body made his way over to the centaur in question stiffly, each step its own sort of torture. His head was so packed of rushed thoughts, it was impossible to feel anything but mind-numb.

All his thoughts were blending, coming and going too fast for Root to decipher one long enough before another took its place. However, is you took a peek inside of his brain, these are some of the thoughts you would find:

The dominant one, of course, was _THAT D'ARVITTING PONY! I AM GOING TO TEAR HIM LIMB FROM LIMB ANDMAKE HIM PAY FOR WHAT HE DID!_

Others included:

_The nerve! Who would have thought that centaur would have the personality to rebel like that?_

_I wonder what time it is. Sugarpuff must be hungry…_

_WHERE in the world did Foaly get the idea to make up a new set of rules? Why didn't I think of it? A shame April Fools is already passed…_

_I have to admit, that was pretty funny…haha, especially the 'dress up as bananas' part…_

_Hee. The look on Trouble's face…if only I had a camera._

The commander glared an intimidating glare only the commander could at Foaly. Root all but abandoned his brain and let his mouth take over for him.

Foaly:

Foaly did his best not to show expression on his face as Root neared him. However, what next burst out of Root's mouth was not easy to ignore.

First, the commander's face contorted, then he let out a screaming/talking/choking noise that I can only describe as 'grbuajjjjd'.

Foaly was ashamed to admit it, but he giggled.

Root seemed to snap back into himself. "Watch what you're saying, pony," he growled menacingly. "Or what you almost say. I'll let you know that even after I treat you so well, all these centuries keeping you employed despite the many headaches and various other pains you have cause me, and you do this? I tell you, I am and was the only thing keeping you from living on the streets with rags as clothes and scraps for food! I've put up with your obnoxious disposure and cocky attitude for far too long. And _this _is how you treat me after it all? _THIS_?"

Julius's voice had done a crescendo from a low whisper to a lung-bursting shout. And it didn't stop there. The authoress apologizes for the difficulty reading the next paragraph due to the fact that it's in all capital letters.

"A MILLION, NO, A _BILLION_ TIMES I COULD HAVE FIRED YOU! YOU WOULD BE NOWHERE WITHOUT ME, AND YET YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! YOU HAVE NEVER TREATED ME WITH RESPECT, YET I HAVE TOLERATED YOU TIME AFTER TIME! BUT FOALY, THIS IS _THE LAST STRAW!"_

"Why, Julius," Foaly giggled, "I never knew you cared so much about me." Foaly knew in less than a second that this was not the most calming thing to say from the look on Root's face.

"DON'T! CALL! ME! JULIUS!" Root was panting as if he had run a marathon. Perspiration seemed to glue his (Foaly's actually) hair to his scalp, but none of this took away from the mad glint in his eye. Hard to believe, but I'm not actually dramatizing this...

"You," he panted breathlessly, "You…"

"I'm hurt, commander. After all we've been through, all these years, and all you have to say about is stuttering-" Foaly pointed his finger and imitated Root gasping "-you, you…"

Root let out a savage yell and jumbled a sentence together. "You, centaur…had better _not_ be here tomorrow…" In one swift movement Root ripped the LEP badge from his chest, clutching it in his pulsating, sweaty palm. With the rudest of hand gestures, he turned and stormed out of the audience hall.

-

Fired.

Foaly stood on the spot, hearing Root's footsteps drum out a rhythm and fade outside the room.

_Fired._

He never thought it would happen…

He subconsciously remembered all the times Root had warned him, yelled at him for some stupid thing or other, threatening to fire him…But now, he actually had.

And somehow that was harder to believe than everything about this whole body-switching thing together.

He guessed it was his own cockiness that made him believe that he was _irreplaceable_, one-of-a-kind, that firing him was out of the question...But then again, maybe he was guessing wrong...

"Foaly?" a small voice piped up.

Foaly nearly jumped a mile when he felt the hand touch his shoulder. "PLEASE DON'T ROB ME I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER!"

"Foaly." Holly rolled her eyes.

He turned around to face her properly, for she was standing behind him.

"You scared me, Holly. Wait—" Foaly sputtered. "-what did you just call me?"

"Foaly. And I saw the whole thing." Holly held up her hand to stop Foaly's garbled words. "And there are some things that you should probably know…" She shifted her weight from foot to foot and let all spill.

Root:

Root stopped in front of his office and punched in his password number code. He had to do it three times before his fumbling fingers cooperated.

The glass doors closed silently behind him as Root sank into his spinny chair, carefully folding his four legs so they didn't get caught in the wheels below.

Root let out a breath and turned his ceiling fan on to try and cool his tingling, warm face.

He had nearly forgotten about the badge in his left palm until the pin burst out of its socket and the sharp, unforgiving point of metal punctured his skin. That was enough of a reminder.

He squinted at the words engraved on it. _Foaly. LEP technician._ He still couldn't believe it. He had fired Foaly.

Was it something he would later regret? Who knows. Root had no intention of crawling back to the pony begging for forgiveness and offering his job back, but at the same time, he wondered what effect this would have on the LEP.

For now, Root opened his drawer and slipped Foaly's badge in it. With one last look, he slide the drawer shut.

Foaly:

Imagine being clubbed over the head by a drunk troll, then feeling faint. Then imagine being held still as your head vibrated, then being dipped into a pool full of ice-cold water. That was what Foaly was feeling like right then.

"D-Do you mean to say…" of course Foaly knew what she said, he was just confirming. Just as he started to say this, his voice decided to take a little vacation before he could finish.

Holly seemed to know what had almost been said, though. "Yes." she nodded.

Foaly knew he should be mad at Holly. He knew he should be seething with anger. But instead, his mouth seemed to betray him again. He tipped his head back, closed his eyes, and let out a hearty, long laugh.

When he opened his eyes, Holly was staring at him as if he had five heads. He had a feeling he knew why.

"So," he said, calming down from his sudden hysteria, "that little potion I created to hear other people's thoughts actually does…this?"

"Yep," Holly replied. She found it rather amusing to watch Foaly's changing expressions.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" That was an outburst even Foaly himself hadn't been expecting. As it was, Holly jumped about five feet (that was saying something since she was only 2'11"), and was thankful she always kept earplugs in case of explosions or something like this.

Holly seemed to explode at this point too. "And just what the _hell_ do you mean by that. Foaly? If you remember, _you_ were the one who forced that vile concoction down Artemis's and my throats! Would it not be perfectly just for me to do the same to you?"

"Holly-"

"What would you have done?"

Holly smirked as this seemed to stump Foaly a bit.

"You said this thing lasts for how long?" Foaly asked suspiciously. changing the subject abruptly.

"24 hours."

"But if all you're telling me is true, which I still have my doubts about, why didn't you TELL ME SOONER?"

"Don't you think it would be so much more fun to watch you two stumble around like drunken gnomes?" Holly asked sweetly.

"So why are you telling these 'drunken gnomes' about all this now at all?" Foaly said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Holly sighed. Here came the part she dreaded most. As if the pony's ego wasn't big enough.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Foaly," Holly warned him. "But I'm telling you this because, believe it or not, I actually want you to get your job back." She hoped Foaly wouldn't _take this the wrong way…_

Foaly's face sunk, then lit up. "Holly," he said with an obsessive glint in his eye, "I know what you're trying to say." Holly groaned. "and I think you're right! I always knew you appreciated my genius!"

Foaly was beaming. Holly rolled her eyes; giving Foaly positive reinforcement was not always the best idea. "Whatever floats your boat."

The centaur's eyes were glazed with excitement. "Let's tell the commander, shall we?"

"I don't think he'd take it too well…"

"After all we've been through over the past two days…"

"Oh, all right."

"Knew you'd come around, Hols." Foaly practically skipped to Root's office, then at the last moment, shoved Holly in front of him. "Uh…maybe you should go first. The commander's kinda mad at me right now."

"Oh, I hadn't noticed," Holly said sarcastically, and trying to calm the slight fluttering of nervousness in her gut, she boldly rapped on Root's door.

She felt herself being scrutinized by Root for the longest moment before he spoke. "Short." His voice contained traces of barely held in anger. "Can this wait?"

Wow. He was actually asking her, not telling her to get out. But hey, maybe he was trying to act in-character for Foaly. If he was, he should have known better than to use her surname.

Holly side-glanced at Foaly, who shook his head.

Hoping she wasn't pushing her luck too far, Holly said, "No, I'm sorry Comman-Foaly, but this is urgent."

Surprisingly, "All right then, come on in."

The doors opened, and Holly stepped in, Foaly soon after her.

Root glared daggers at Foaly with inscriptions pointedly saying, "Why is _he_ here? And why does he look so d'arvitting happy?' and Holly had the idea that some choice words would have been exchanged had she not been in the office.

"What?" Short and to the point. Root was not in the mood for sentences longer than one word.

Holly sat down in a chair opposite the commander.

"_Commander, _we have some interesting issues to discuss…"

End chapter

The rest is in the epilogue! Don't worry, Foaly will get his job back one way or another. Review please:)


	8. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.

Wow, it's really The Last Chapter. Woah. This story is done already? Okay, I know I shouldn't be saying that since I take like three weeks in between chapters to write, but you know what I mean. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, you've made writing this a lot more fun. Me + Review Happy. Enjoy this last chapter (Root seems OOC to me, so I'm sorry if it seems like that for you readers)!

Switched: Part 2

Epilogue

Holly was right. The commander _didn't_ take the news too well, surprise surprise. That was the most understated understatement she could have made.

As of right now she was staring at the tomato-like face of Julius Root, or should I say Foaly? It appeared that no matter what body Root was in, he retained his cough_ability_cough to turn redder than a...very red thing.

"Short. Out. Foaly, stay, I need to have a word with you." Holly gulped and tried to appear calm as she left the stuffy office, the situation was out of her hands now. The best she could do was sit and wait, hoping for an outcome where no one was shot, stabbed, or suffocated.

-

Holly didn't hear a peep out of Root's office for the next few hours and resignedly went home at 6:00. She didn't see Foaly in his office so she assumed both he and the commander were still cooped up in the office.

What were they waiting for, for their bodies to switch themselves? Holly couldn't think what. The rest of the day passed by in a blur and before she knew it, she was going to bed, drifting into an uneasy sleep…

Next morning:

…Holly woke up to her alarm clock. She had been dreaming a vivid dream involving penguins visiting Taco Bell and was still debating this concept as she got up. _Haha…wish I had a taco right now…_

Her amusement vanished when she thought of Foaly and Root though. She didn't know what to expect when she arrived.

She had purposefully walked by Foaly's office, but she didn't see him inside. _Hmmm…_

Holly stepped into her office/cubicle and began her paperwork, thinking about the past two days. She was itching to go see Root, see if he was in his own body, but wouldn't that look a bit obvious…

She was the saved the trouble though as the commander walked into her office/cubicle right at that second, looking grim and grave, but like himself at least in terms of face color.

"Short," he barked; it really appeared this was Root, why shouldn't it be? He looked…angry couldn't begin to describe it, seething and boiling still wouldn't be close… "Look at this. LOOK at this."

He held the _Haven Times_ in one hand and pushed the newspaper in front of her. Holly's eyes widened as she read the headline on the front page. _Oh god no…_

The headlines read, Body-Switching Mayhem in LEP Leads to Questions Concerning Officer Holly Short, Commander Julius Root, Former Technician Foaly, and Human Artemis Fowl.

-

No one knew exactly how the press could have found out so quickly, or even at all. Were there secret video-feed microcameras hidden somewhere? Could it be the fault of one of them? Or was some other unknown variable that was to blame?

Right now though, Root, Foaly, Holly, and even Artemis were not unduly concerned about the _how_ or _why_ in favor of the _what. _As in, _what_ under ('_in_' in Artemis's situation) the world was happening?

It seemed like by the time all four found out about it, every single fairy in Haven knew the story too. And all publicity is not necessarily good publicity.

At promptly 12:00 noon, Root called Foaly (who had turned up to the office that day unexpectedly) and Holly (each in their own respective bodies by now, thankfully) into his office for an urgent meeting. They contacted Artemis on one of the screens. The Mud Boy had picked up on the first ring on his communicator and now was staring coolly at the fairies.

"So," Root began. "We have a…situation…here on our hands, as you all know."

It was all Holly could do to keep from elbowing Foaly and grinning despite the utter lack of amusement in Root's voice.

"Through all the humiliation and degrading things the paper says about us, you all know I'm not the type to let something like this go peacefully, or at least without redeeming our reputations." An unexpected grin flitted across Root's face before his morose expression returned and he glanced at Foaly. "Foaly, you got any of that potion left? Or can you make more?"

Foaly swallowed hard, visibly confused. "Uhh…I could make more."

"Good." The commander was smiling now. "Because I think it's time our local newspaper gets a little taste of exactly what we had to go through.

"There are still lots of little hijinks that need to be sorted out, but—"

Slowly, incredulously, Holly said, "Commander sir, are you by any chance saying…?" Even Artemis was grinning slightly now.

Root had a smile stretched out on his face. "Let's give 'em hell, kids."

(hope I made this clear enough!)

-

Ten minutes later Artemis and Root were done with their, erm, 'planning' and had let Holly and Foaly in on their 'parts'.

Root severed the connection with Artemis after bidding him goodbye and waved Holly out his door, commanding Foaly to stay in his office for a second. He closed his office door and faced the centaur.

He began to speak, "Foaly, I know that yesterday was a bit of an…unusual day, and that despite what I've said-" The commander turned around and rummaged in his desk drawer, his back to Foaly so the centaur couldn't see what he was going. He picked something out of it and closed the drawer.

The commander turned around, extending his palm to Foaly.

There, cupped in Root's open hand, was Foaly's LEP badge.

T H E E N D

I hoped you like it despite the OOCness. I also hope I made the second-to-last part clear enough so you could infer what Root is really saying. Now that I've finished this, I'm kinda wondering what I will write next...Oh well. I might do some more humor fics but I also have something darker planned...guess you'll have to wait and see.

Thank you for reading, and now, please review!


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